Sometimes when I read my favorite blogs (see sidebar for who I read!) I feel like giving up on this. The authors I scroll through daily appear to ride on this peaceful wave of words that exude calm realizations and conquering of problems, while I feel as if I am hacking through thick infestations of vines with a rusty hatchet, spitting fire of frustration the entire way.
Anger birthed from this frustration churns before I write. Exasperation at the fact that I really don't know how to put thoughts into phrases that make sense causes me to avoid each post I think of writing. I get so irritated while writing that I can't have anyone talk to me. and I question why I keep doing this. My eyes narrow, I chew my fingernails (which I just painted), and... I compare myself.
Dun dun dun.
Frustration is from the fact that I think I need to write more expressively, turn my paragraphs into waves of soothing speeches, write more posts, write less posts, add some swear words to be spunky (when I don't swear), add more pictures, become a photographer! Oh my LORD, the list could go on, and it does in my head!
What's humorous is that I read a piece at least once a week about comparing oneself, yet here I am, creating needless anxiety by comparing myself to people who have been doing this for years (and still fall into the same traps as me for they are not perfect).
This is why I love reading The Militant Baker. She just does her thing which is so diverse from any other blogger I read (many of the women I read all sound the same though are wonderful in different ways).
I don't really have a thing yet, so for now I just bumble along and try different "things" until I find it. For a girl who likes to know exactly who she is in every situation (impossible), this kinda sucks, but it's part of the experience. So, until I figure this out, I'll keep reading awesome people like Jes who inspire me to forget what everyone else is doing and just do what I do, even if it doesn't seem good enough some days.
P.S. I am going to introduce my first series (as I will call it until a savvier word comes to mind) in the next few weeks: a collection of posts on various ways that I have found to influence love for my body and self. I think it's important to share individual methods of connecting with yourself as these topics are not discussed often or loud enough, and you never know what will work for you until you try something out (like jeans!).