Weekly Reads 8.31.13

mara glatzel

Sign up for this "bonanza of love notes" from beautiful 
Mara Glatzel! I know I did, and the first e-mail was just 
as wonderful and uplifting as I could have hoped.

Ever-encouraging Jes wrote one of the most raw
and INSPIRING pieces I've read to date. It was beyond 

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Seriously, just read this; it will make you happy.
 Chrissy is amazing. 

Ooo, yes. This hit me a bit painfully in the gut of
realization. But sometimes learning and 
growing can pinch us in the soft spots:

What are some of the stories we tell ourselves about our bodies and which ones might we be ready to change?  I'm telling a story on the blog today about how I found my way to a one changed story about my body. #beyourownbeloved

Reflection time with Vivienne! Made me think about
the wrong stereotypes I've attributed to my body
over the years...What about you? 

Jes (if you haven't noticed, I love her) introduces
Louise Green who completely rocked my
world with this post

We are worthy of seeing ourselves with kindness. Right here, right now.  From: 10 Reasons to Begin Your Self-Portrait Journey » Be Your Own Beloved

And for the last knock-out of the week, lovely
Vivienne gives us 10 Reasons to Begin Your


Fight the War

Loving my body is an every day war. 

Not just with myself but with the people on the street that I compare myself to, the celebrity bodies everywhere, and the society that is enabling all of the negative imagery, advertising, and thinking to happen in and around my life. 

This amazing thing we call a body, that carries me through my daily activities, that enables me to do everything I want and hope to do, and that continues to give to me even when I beat it down... When was it decided that I should look at it with disgust? Feel uncomfortable in it? Feel like it's not good enough - that it could be better? 

And who was the idiot who decided this? 

I didn't like this picture when I first took it last night. I thought my hips were too wide and my stomach stuck out a little too much in that shirt. 

Like, really. 

This insecurity came from the girl who reads fat positive and body positive blogs every freaking day of her life. The girl who enforces body love during every freaking day of her life. 

Yes, I am still insecure even with all the work I've done! 

And THANK GOD for all the work I've done, because this time last year I would have never seen the beauty beneath the learned embarrassment and, instead, would have deleted the picture out of shame. 

We are trained so well to hate our bodies. Just like dogs learning to sit. Whether we are little or large, we are trained with specifics! 

Are you going to the gym enough? Good girl! 
Oh, still in bed? You're awfully lazy lately. What happened to your running kick? 

I've grown up with the knowledge that unless you're stomach is flat and your arms are chiseled, you can't be happy. 

I remember walking the hallways of high school and staring wistfully at the skinny, athletic girls and thinking how much happier than me they must be. 

I remember tracking my weight with weight watchers, standing on the scale every week, and believing that if I just got to 145 I'd be totally confident in myself. Then if I could just get to 140...  

Anything close to fat was not an option if I wanted to feel good about myself. 

Now, seriously. Who the heck came up with this? 

How am I trained so well that - still - I find myself retreating to the "anything close to fat is shameful" mindset? That I don't like a picture when I first see it because, yes, my shirt hugs my stomach that is not ab-flat? 

I must always stay vigilant to not get sucked down to society ideals. I must always remember to look to my role models - some fat, some skinny, and some in-between - when I need a reminder. I must always love my body no matter it's shape, and I must treat it as well as it treats me. 

I must remember that I have been trained to think that a belly that sticks slightly or largely out from the rest of me is not worthy, that everyone can reach the "ideal" body, and that I cannot be happy until I have abs without flab but remain curvy. 

I must remember that that all bodies are different, and they are ALWAYS beautiful, and that the ones who say otherwise are either liars or brainwashed. 

I must always fight the war. 



It's freshman weekend in my hometown, and in exactly one week Katelin and I move back into dorms and begin classes. Oh, Summer, care to explain yourself?

I love to make personal goals for new years, so I've made up a list of some for this school year below. Feel free to join me and leave some of your own in the comments! 

  • Start journaling every night (or most nights) again.
  • Make time to efficiently relax every day.
  • Read at least one book not for school each semester. 
  • Stay on the Dean's List. 
  • Be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up over work, homework, grades, etc. 
  • Treat your body well: maintain a weekly yoga schedule, get enough fruits and veggies every day, and get enough sleep. 
  • Treat yourself every week. 
  • Don't spend too much every month, but make sure to get Starbucks with Katelin. 
  • Clean the dorm well every two weeks. 
  • Wash the bed sheets every month. 
  • Don't bite your nails when you're nervous (but if you do, they grow back).  
  • Blog once a week. 
  • Most of all, love yourself every day.
Also, dear college freshman sitting on a bench crying today... You'll be fine, I promise. The first weekend is the worst, the first two weeks are the hardest, but you will be absolutely and totally fine. 

I promise. 



Coming Back to the Self

Loving myself and loving my body are two very different (yet connected) things. Why didn't I ever realize this? 

Without the first, I cannot be fully enriched with the latter. This seems obvious, but I don't think I've ever totally absorbed this fact. I've always focused on tackling love for my body while love for myself was something to do when that was finished. Something I too often figure I have enough of.  

I say to myself, "Oh, I really like myself." But do I really? 

The answer? SURE! When I'm doing nice things for my girlfriend, doing well in school, writing blogposts I'm really proud of, saving more money than usual, helping my mom out... So, basically when I'm doing things I deem "worth" love. 

When I'm screaming at my girlfriend while we drive home? When I've been laying in bed for three days straight playing video games? When I didn't study too well for that exam and then don't make the grade I wanted? Depends on the day. 

Self-love is something that seems so easy over blog posts. We're given check-lists of techniques to try to boost love for the self, courses to take to find love for ourselves, and little phrases to write down for later. And I'm the biggest sucker for step-by-step guides, especially guides on conquering world changing actions! 

Difficult thoughts, life experiences, and fights with the self are simple to transfer into eloquent words then molded into a pretty font. 

I read through my posts sometimes, and it really seems like I'm this lucky 19-year-old who's getting her crap together early and getting life in order to be happy and living my dreams forever, completely enveloped in my own love.  

Some days I really feel like that lucky 19-year-old is really typing to you. 
But some days really suck, and I feel like a total hypocrite for writing any of the things I've posted. 

Some days I don't know why I ever thought I was  a sensitive person, a loving girlfriend, or deserving of all the love that surrounds me. 

These are the days that I seek out blog posts that, in these specific instances, paralyze me with the notion that I'll never be as wonderful and inspiring as the women I'm reading. I'll never put sentences together like her; I'll never be as happy or powerful as her; I may as well just give up and find the next best thing. Or maybe I'm not worth that either...

I feel my heart opening...Loving my body has been the main struggle since I started this journey, and I kind of almost thought that once I fully accepted and loved my body, I'd fully accept and love myself as a person.  

Loving one's body is just as necessary but very different from loving one's self. 

We need to start with the self and always come back to the self, especially one the days we lose hope of everything inside of us.

It sucks that I forget this constantly, that I am so harsh with myself, and that I get down on myself for failing at what everyone struggles with daily. 

But, just like you, I do. 

And it's all about coming back to the self and recognizing that, and all the good, along with the bad. 

*photo source


Weekly Reads 8.17.13

Rachele talks feminism and shows off one of
her best outfits yet with OOTD: Fat Cat Lady Feminist.

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A beautiful post on teaching kids going
 them by a mom and superhero changing 
the world for her two boys with autism. 

Because I'm obsessed with crystals
and love learning about them! 

You never get less than awesome with
Jes at The Militant Baker, especially
with this post on short hair:




A few days ago I tweeted, "Some days you're not a spitfire, you're a crabby-rude-snappy-pants, and you should stay away from other humans. " Because some days and weeks are just rough.

Especially the weeks where I get my period in the 30-minute car ride to work (also the day I remind myself to bring a pad and still forget), bleed through my shorts, and find out the pad/tampon dispenser in the bathroom has long seen its time of use. 

The weeks I'm looking for a second job for school, not entirely sure that I want a second job, with nothing happening under the contours of my plan - which is a really good plan!  

You could seriously find me sitting at work the last three days looking the mirror image of Grumpy Cat.

 I was not amused.

 I was irritable.

I snapped at everyone within reach.

All I've wanted to do is be in bed all day, everyday curled up around my laptop without a bra. 

If you're in this hole with me, you're totally fine. I'm totally fine, too. We just need a little extra love and understanding from ourselves. 

So, I'll do you a favor, if you do me one: love yourself especially hard today. 

P.S. Aren't sunny days on grouchy days just the worst? Can't a girl get some rain showers? 


Self Love and My One Year Anniversary

Friday, Katelin and I celebrated one year of being together. This was obviously a special day that we had been waiting on for at least the past two months, even caving and exchanging presents weeks before the big day. It pretty much felt like a summer long celebration, and I loved it! 

This is my first ever relationship, and Katelin's first serious relationship. And, um, relationships are freaking difficult. 

The two of us have been best friends since junior high, so we already knew a lot about one another upon entering this stage, but little did I know how much things shift when one goes from "BFF" to "girlfriend." 

It's incredible and terrifying.

Listen up: I would not have survived the past six months had I not been a host to so much love for myself. Nope, it just wouldn't have happened. How incredible and terrifying is that? That I need to have just as much love for ME as I do for HER? 

Love for myself has been life changing. It completely turned this world upside down to uncover a new and mind-shattering view. There's never a time to be ready for it, to prepare yourself for this, you just do it. It's seriously just a decision that you jump into without looking back. 

That's how this relationship has been for me, too. Absolutely world-changing and confusing but wonderful. Something I never want to go back from. 

Self-love carries me through everything: my daily activities, my awesome days and my disgusting ones, times of depression and times of excitement. Name it and self-love is there for me. 

Even when I'm refusing to use it. 

Without this past year of practicing in it, I wouldn't be living such an amazingly joyous, simple life, and I wouldn't have made it to this year mark with Katelin. 

Without self-love I cannot do an inkling as much as I can when I'm basking in it. 

Absolutely a terrifying and incredible realization. 

So, happy anniversary to my sweetie, who only ever encourages me to continue in my practice.



Creating Confidence Series: Look in the Mirror

Everyone goes through the struggle to find and love ourselves and to find and create confidence. 

Sometimes we fake it, sometimes we give up on having any confidence altogether. It may take years and years to discover and build it or not as much time as we expect. 

Through it, each individual finds techniques of loving his/herself. We fail at some, succeed at others, and learn from other individuals who are going (and have gone) through the same fight. Because it is a fight, a fight with oneself, with one's culture, and with one's society. 

My Creating Confidence series looks to introduce ways that have worked for me in building self-esteem and self-love. My path to confidence (that I still traverse every day) started with finding a blog and then another and another that showed ways in which each woman struggled, succeeded, and failed in loving themselves. I'm here to, hopefully, do the same for you. 

There's many, many facets of loving yourself inside and out, but today I'm going to focus on the love for your body, because this was the hardest fight for me to conquer, and I still go to war with myself on a daily basis for it. 

This trick is simple and, yet, may be a grand downfall for some. Tread carefully and softly, because this can bring you down as easily as it can bring you up. 

Look in the mirror. 

Ever since I was old enough to realize being naked was something dirty I hated seeing myself naked. Since I wear glasses, I'd take them off before showering and quickly turn away from the mirror as if my body was diseased and malformed. I would keep my head turned down, away from the reflection, as I dressed myself, and then I'd replace my glasses onto my face. 

It may seem like a harmless, awkward, phase -- a tween girl hitting puberty and feeling uncomfortable about bodily changes. The thing is it created a negative mindset over not just my own body but bodies in general.

It built a habitual thought process that it's shameful to see a body in it's natural form. It created a negative foundation of looking at my body and feeling positive towards it. 

Embedded image permalinkNothing made me more uncomfortable than seeing myself naked in a mirror. If I happened to catch a glimpse, I'd find myself unbearably embarrassed and put-off before moving out of view. The eugh-y feelings that festered in my stomach fostered for later (and bigger) body-image issues. 

My body wasn't worth seeing that way. 
My body wasn't good enough to see that way. 
Maybe if I was thinner or more in shape, I wouldn't mind looking at myself in the mirror. 
Maybe if I suck in my stomach, it won't be so horrifying.

A load of BS. 

BS that we learn from a very young age and carry with us through years and years of struggle. 
Unfortunately, it's rare that we're taught it's BS. Most of the time we have to learn it ourselves, if we actually learn it. 

Know this: if you feel that way, it's all crap. 

So, I dare you to really look in the mirror. 

When I learned all the crap that had been taught to me is just that, crap, I decided it was time to face my reflection. 

Yes, this does sound much more epic and influential than it really was. I was mortified and awkward for the first, like, twenty times. I felt perverted for looking at myself. I saw everything that needed fixing.

Before showers I'd leave my glasses on as I stripped off my clothes and casually look at myself for a few seconds, then jump behind the curtain to get away. I felt like I was facing off with myself. 

The key part of doing this is being aware of your thoughts. Each and every thought that passes through as you stand in front of yourself. You are not allowed to say bad things about yourself, even if the words aren't said aloud. If negative thoughts appear, CHANGE THEM. 

This process works to form new, better, and healthy habits. No more habitual tearing yourself down; no more feeling ugly, gross, unworthy when you see your body. We only gain this from changing how we feel internally, and thoughts are so influential. 

Pick out the beautiful parts to you and admire them. 

Over time I became used to the contours of my body: where I stuck out, where I smoothed out, what I was self-conscious of, and what I absolutely loved. I focused hard on altering my thought patterns, and with that, the negative emotions inside of me were slowly cleansed. They became few and far between, but if I'm not careful, they try to find there way back inside. 

It's a daily fight, and most of the media, government, and your well-trained thoughts are not on your side.  

I would say that this is the most fundamental technique I use(d) to embrace and love my body as it was and as it is. What's fantastic, is that I think I look better naked than clothed now! And let me tell you, that feeling is wondrous and freeing. 


Weekly Reads 8.3.13

Changing up my weekly inspiration to Weekly Reads where I'll share my favorite blog pieces of the week! I read some pretty great and wise women, so I encourage you to take a peek at each. 

New Shoes

For writers (especially bloggers) on body-love:
 I'm Not a Fat Enabler is perfectly sassy and spunky.


Yet again, Mara Glatzel manages to make my inner demons
 wise teachers with Jealousy is my Greatest Teacher

over at the DailyGood. Great if you need a little encouragement
 on making your dreams reality.

ever call yourself lazy here's why you should stop body love wellness

I absolutely love this one. A must read if you, like me, 
need your weekends spent in bed. 

An awesome blogger I just discovered and am obsessed with,
The Nearsighted Owl, writes on one of my favorite topics,
SHORT HAIR, knocking off another reason you should
just chop it off!! 

I also encourage you to check out her e-course and blog series
now going on. It's awesome, I love it, so click below! 


Morning Coffee and My Realization

A few months back I went through a phase where I was determined to rid myself of caffeine and become pure -- like drinking tea and infused water pure. Why? Because somehow every blog I read was writing on how much better life is without coffee.

I kid you not, I read at least three or four pieces in a one-two day span that went over the realization that what really mattered was the walk to the coffee shop or the coffee shop atmosphere, not the coffee. This then led to making green smoothies or tea and taking them to the cherished coffee shop, saving money along the way! 

Let me clarify right away that these pieces were all fantastic (which is why I wanted to join them) and not anywhere did the author(s) ask their readers to try it themselves. Okay, actually, one piece was by a doctor, and he did encourage readers to try a coffee fast, but that's expected. 

These men and women found what worked for them, and I thought that to be the bohemian blogger that I dream(ed) to be, I must forget coffee and (since I had expertly failed my smoothie phase) become a lady of tea. 

Oh man.
Hint: it was an epic fail.  

My coffee fast, which I remember proudly alerting my girlfriend to on a car-ride home, lasted approximately four days. 

My "lady of tea" image died slowly with my first and last four painful drinks of green tea. Can I say: EUGH!? I know tea is a plant and all, but it literally tastes like dirt and leaves put into boiling water. 

That ain't something I want to douse my taste buds in. 

Enter my realization, that I am now blogging to you about: I do not drink coffee for the stroll to the local coffee shop (I rarely drink at coffee shops except Starbucks) or for the atmosphere. I just really like coffee! Also: tea is my very last drink of choice. 

Granted, I do love the moments that come with drinking coffee: sitting in bed in the early morning light across from my girlfriend, and sipping from my blue travel mug as we share happy morning chats in the car ride to work.

I like these moments more than the coffee itself, but there's something about that bitter (unless I've went a little creamer crazy) drink that adds to the mood. 

There are still weeks where I'll move away from coffee just because I can feel my body reacting negatively, but I always come back when my body says it's ready again. 

At this point, you may be like: okay, Eve, so you like coffee and hate tea, glad you took so long to make that clear... 

Yes, I did say that, and now you know more about me! But I'm also saying: what may work for a few or hundreds of people (all whom may surround you), might not work for you. And that's what's important. It may, in fact, be horrible for you! Just because someone you admire rants and raves about the benefits of green tea and consequences of coffee does not mean your body or mind will agree, and this can apply to everything. 

So, I'm going to drink my coffee and squinch my nose when my girlfriend drinks tea, but hey, if that doesn't work for you, find what does. 


Uppin' my game here a little and made an account for BlogLovin'. I feel like I'm making this website harder than it really is, especially since I'm in the generation of the tech savvy! My first instinct when having frustration over claiming my blog was to just sigh, close out of the website, and never return, BUT ALAS, I persevere. 

So, follow me! 
Follow my blog with Bloglovin

One complaint so far: I don't do the whole Facebook thing, so I can't upload a picture? Ugh. 

ALSO: I have changed my blog name. 19 and (Almost) Confident was great, but didn't sit 100% right with me. This cozy corner is now, Cozy Confidence! It fits my personality quite well, and still holds well with what I want to do here.