Girl's Get Periods

I had an epiphany today. 

It happened as I scurried back into class thinking, "Another crisis averted," and sat down still slightly embarrassed. 

See, ten minutes into my Women's Diversity class this morning I was almost positive that I had gotten my period. A serious situation that needed to be handled ASAP lest I wanted to become Amelia from 10th grade who got her period in a white skirt and left a pool of blood at her desk. 

I mean, I wasn't that far off. It's flaming hot today, so I'm in light work-out shorts, and those suckers are not about to absorb the onslaught coming at them. I was about to be Amelia from 10th grade while my professor talked about patriarchy. Sick joke, right? 

So, there I sat, ten minutes into lecture in a classroom full of girls, and I couldn't bring myself to get my pad from my backpack and go to the bathroom for two minutes. 

In a room full of girls (maybe two guys), I was embarrassed to be seen walking out the door with a pad in my hand. 

Just chew on that. 

If you have the biological reproduction organs of a female, you (generally) get a period. You know what a pad and tampon is. You understand that blood gushes from your vagina, and it's disgusting, and painful, but it's totally normal. You understand that every other girl goes through it, too. 

But we don't talk about it. We are SHAMED by this NATURAL OCCURRENCE. 
We are embarrassed to be seen with a little bandage-thing that sticks to our underwear! 

I was about to let myself bleed through one of my favorite, coziest shorts just so a bunch of girls didn't see a pad...and know I was going to use it. 

I know I'm not the only one who tries to hide my pad in public places or who doesn't feel comfortable talking about periods in public. 

And this is not okay. 

Girls shouldn't feel like they have to hide their periods. The pain of cramps should not be devalued, because some days I cannot go to class or work my cramps are so freaking bad, but do professors and bosses understand? Eh, sometimes... if they're women. 

It was totally ironic that this happened during talk of patriarchy, because this habit of hiding something our women bodies do is a consequence of our male-valued society. 

I know there is more talk today than ever about periods, but there is such a lack in this department...

 Because I don't enjoy having my uterus shed itself in the middle of class and feeling like I can't or shouldn't do anything about it. 

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This is A Problem

What are you most insecure about? I bet you could rattle of multiple things without thinking twice. Now what are you most confident about? What do you just love about yourself?

 It’s normal to hear a girl of any age (even young kids now) make a negative comment on her thighs, butt, face, stomach… the list is infinite. These comments are brushed off, because that’s what girls do. We complain about what we hate, and talk about how lucky Jane is to have such perfect skin or how Maddy walks so fearlessly in a bikini. Girls are taught to never be satisfied until our bodies are cardboard thin, our skin is photoshop-flawless, and our faces are perfectly symmetrical and attractive.

Society acknowledges that eating disorders are a problem, but what about negative thought processes? What about crash dieting? What about never feeling “enough” in aspects of ourselves? These are all very much factors of the bigger problem (eating disorders don’t start for the hell of it).  

I went through high school seeing and hearing these things from each of my friends, each of my classmates, and joining right in. I looked in the mirror and analyzed my stomach, my thighs, my upper-arms, and determined that things needed to be fixed. Was I addressing my unhealthy eating habits, how I treated myself, and how I treated my body? No, I was making it clear that the girl standing before me, my reflection was not skinny enough to be happy. It didn’t matter how I treated myself, because I didn’t see that as the issue. This is a problem.

Maybe I wasn’t a classified “anorexic”, and maybe I didn’t force myself to throw up after eating, but thought processes like that are a disorder, and crippling, and need to be addressed.

Upon confronting a good friend of mine on how she treats herself (crash dieting, negative comments, restricting) she said, “That’s just who I am.” That is not who you are; that is how you are taught to think.  

If someone can’t be classified as having an eating disorder, they are determined to be “fine.” It’s something we all do, that we all go through; it’s just a part of growing up. I’ve heard plenty claim these excuses. This way of treating and thinking about ourselves is thought of as a phase, but that’s BS. Do you know how many middle-age women are looking in the mirror with the same thoughts? Putting their bodies under the same cycle of dieting? Telling themselves if they can just get to this number, if they could just have that nose, then they would be happy?

This is not a phase; this is not normal; this is a serious problem.

When does the fifteen, twelve, or eight-year-old girl start looking in the mirror and finding what she likes most about herself? Call herself beautiful? Form a deep, loving connection with her soul and body? When do we start teaching her these so important parts of life?

Growing up should be about finding who you are, what you love, and loving it! Not finding your faults and hating them.

Though I still struggle, I got lucky with finding Mara and Kate and learning what it really means to be healthy and happy. Not many girls figure it out this early.

And this is a problem. 

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The Flaming Homo

This semester I’ve come across some challenges with a professor. I’m trying not to let his rudeness deter me from learning in his class (because I learn a lot) but am instead trying be grateful for the knowledge and insights I have gained from him.

I have enjoyed taking two courses with him and felt comfortable talking about my sexual-orientation and religion with him in class. In a time where I was just beginning to speak up about having a girlfriend, it was relieving when a professor grandly supported it. He has portrayed himself as a supporter of the LGBT community and a feminist, so what he has been spouting in lectures the past few weeks has been frustrating, offensive and contradictory to his support.

Thursday’s lecture was spent listening to and discussing Allen Ginsberg’s music and poetry (that is some weird stuff). My professor likes to give us background on all the authors we read, which I enjoy a lot, but he described openly-gay Ginsberg as “flaming gay” and “gay as a three dollar bill.”

My reaction had to be obvious! My eyes popped, my mouth fell open… My whole expression exuded holy crap.

These phrases are all too common in our culture, I mean “queer as a three dollar bill” was how Patrick (a gay character from The Perks of Being a Wallflower movie/book) described his boyfriend, Brad.

This does not make them acceptable.

As a girl who is dating a girl I find these phrases incredibly offensive and unnecessary. They are not loving descriptions of the LGBT community, because they further ostracize us and scream DIFFERENT in our faces.

The terms flaming homo or gay as a three dollar bill come off as humorous, but this laughable quality only masks the social inequalities reinforced within them.

I googled both, and here are the urban dictionary descriptions:

-          Flaming Homo – “A type of homosexual that is easily detected by a person with little to moderate "gay-dar". The male form is typically extroverted and has an obsession with fashion. The female form it typically stoic and has an obsession with physical prominence.”

-          Gay as a Three Dollar Bill – “A euphenism for homosexual, generally a male homosexual. Compare to "Light in the Loafers", Limp Wristed", "Panty Waist", or "Candy Ass"”

Also: “Alternative term for a flaming homosexual; something or someone who shouldn't exist.” 

None of those descriptions are very laughable to me or ideal descriptions of a homosexual.

Let’s talk about the flaming homo. This is a person who anyone can tell is gay! What does this suggest? That certain attributes only exist within gays and lesbians: a certain walk, a certain fashion sense, a certain way of talking. When my professor said this description he did a dance that looked like an angry monkey. I can personally tell you that isn’t a dance of the gays. I walk no different than anyone else you’ve passed on the street. I switch between dressing in floral tank tops and skinny jeans and hoodies and shorts. I’ve had a pixie cut and I’ve had hair down to my butt. I used to do hard workouts and now I do yoga. My voice is not deep, my shoulders are not broad. I am not the social description of masculine or butch nor feminine or girly. Not all masculine and butch women are lesbians. Not all fashionable and limber men are gay. Not all gay men like cardigans, bow ties and Prada. Not all lesbians like plaid and short hair.

Homosexuals and heterosexuals are not born with different attributes.

Individuals have different attributes, but race, gender, and sexuality do not determine your personality, likes/dislikes or behavior.

There is no such thing as your flaming homo!

By declaring someone as a flaming homo you are telling them that they are so obviously different that it’s comedic. Not comedic as in they are trying to entertain you, but that their being is so ridiculous to you that it’s laughable.

Queer as a three dollar bill is just another way to label us as “different” and “wrong.” There is no such thing as a three dollar bill, so this (just as urban dictionary says) proclaims that we have no place in this society. We are not the ever present one dollar bill, the handy five dollar bill, the normal ten dollar bill, the old-age twenty dollar bill, or the bountiful fifty dollar bill! We are the dollar bill that doesn’t exist. You’re telling us we don’t fit in and we don’t exist.  

Patrick using this expression in Perks of Being a Wallflower is not a way of reclaiming the phrase. It is a way for society to make this phrase seem harmless and entertaining through media. If a gay person says it, then it’s okay to say it, right?

Wrong.

I’ve heard plenty of gay people replace the word “stupid” with the word “gay.” That is not reclaiming the word and remaking the definition, but further masking the effect and power it has over our culture.

The fact that a professor used these descriptions in a class of young adults is disgusting, but no more disgusting that it being said in a popular movie.

I used to use these terms with as much laughter as the next, so I know how innocent they seem. They’re not innocent.

Throwing around flaming homo, gay as a three dollar bill, gay, fag, etc. only reinforces the balance that society currently holds.

An unequal balance, a heteronormative balance, a patriarchal balance.

You may say I have no place in society with these words, but these phrases should have no place in society (especially the classroom!) anymore. 

   

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