Forced to Let Go

The beginning of June was a month of learning that I’m just starting to absorb and now write about a month later. The lessons were painful but needed, and the most vivid was on letting go.

Let me tell you, I have read a lot on letting go, and I was starting to think I was the "letting go" spokesperson. It became my mantra and advice to hand out until it revolved around a long-time friendship of mine.

I have spent the last year lazily debating whether said friendship was fulfilling and deserving of my time. I had (and have been) been immersing myself in erasing negative persons from my life, but it’s a hard task when you’re evaluating a 13-year-old friendship.

Yes, we’d had our rough times, but we thought of ourselves as sisters--

Plus, she's still in high school, so of course she needs to go through what we have all been through to mature, and I just need to be there for her.

Right? 

Oh, reader...there are all the excuses in the book for this debacle, and I used them for months. I felt a duty to this friendship and girl, so I refused to give myself permission to let go. To me, if I distanced myself from this girl and eventually moved my life away from her, I was a terrible person. I thought she would have no one reliable to go to and be driven to depression and who-knows-what, and these incidents would be on me--the terrible friend who gave up.

Well, I’m giving myself permission to say that's all crap. 

Believing that my friend could not go on without me is very arrogant. I'm not putting myself down in this fact, but it is and a very untrue one at that. These thoughts pulled me down and stunted progress.  

The decision to let go and move on was not an enlightened moment of what I deserve and who iIwant to be surrounded by. No, it was more forced upon me than anything which further opens my eyes to the fact that I had been postponing something that needed to happen for my personal growth.

Letting go isn't such the *breath* and *release* it sounds to be. It can be downright heartbreaking and exhausting, but it’s like the pain and stretch of a new yoga pose… you feel more open and breathe easier as you repeat it and grant yourself time.

I haven’t wanted to blog about it for the fact that I just wanted to forget about it for a while. But I’m officially ready to let go, and blogging has been such a liberating source for me to do so.

Many times I read posts that make this all so simple and “two plus two equals four,” you know? It's not for anybody; Please, remember that. I’m sure it gets easier as we dress ourselves in these lessons and live our lives accordingly, but even then… the universe can hit us hard, especially when we want to ignore what we know.

So, I will be back, posting when I can put my thoughts into words and hopefully reach back out to you that needs a little reminder that we all go through tough lessons and that these lessons are painfully grand.

I have much more to say about the friend incident, but the blogger and writer in me has to get warmed up and feel a little less awkward before I go deeper. 

You have the power of permission within you to break open and let go. No matter with whom or what or when, and I understand how much it can take to finally do it.