Here Goes Nothing

            “Oh, God. I made another blog.”

That was my first thought upon titling this page and quickly exiting the tab.

I've wanted to start a blog for a while—years—and even created a couple that never saw entries. This page was easily becoming like the others hosting a title, basic layout, and… an empty slot where entries should be. Excuses were (ugh, ARE) bountiful: “I’m a college student, there’s no time!” “I’m so tired.” “I’m boring!” “There’s SO MANY (!) blogs; mine will evaporate in the mist.” But the excuse that it primarily comes down to is I’m scared.

The prospect of being churned up by the abyss of technology and labeled stupid, boring, or worse not seen at all sends me packing as soon as a new blog is created. I’m scared I’m too young and have nothing worthwhile to say, or that I’ll write in this little place of my own for weeks, months or years and no one will ever read it except maybe my girlfriend. Excusing the fact that I’m too scared to tell my girlfriend that I made a blog!

Next to the fear is the horrible (I hate this thought!)  I’m not good enough.

I have been a faithful blog reader the last year, following large and powerful women at Mara Glatzel, RootsofShe, and EattheDamnCake just to name a few of my favorites. They empower and inspire me every single day, and I question if I could ever write as they do; if I could ever establish connections and a community like they have; if I can write pieces that come from my heart, speak my voice, and expose my life pure and beautifully (even the hard parts) as they do.

Between these thoughts there’s no room for me to create, for ideas to spin in my mind, or for me to sit down and type up a thought. There’s only room to say I can’t do it, and then I don’t.

No, I will never be them. But I will be me, and I guess if no one but me (and maybe my girlfriend) reads this, I will survive. At least I can say I DID IT.

Maybe I will end up deserting this blog like the others, still wishing I could figure out how to do this damn blogging thing (why isn’t it as easy as twitter?!), but maybe I will love it. Maybe someone will find me and gain something from my rants, stories, and random thoughts. I hope so.

But if I’m just talking to myself for a few years, that can’t hurt either. I’ll learn that it’s not as scary to be rejected as I think, and I know I at least have a lot to offer to myself, and that’s pretty important.

So here I am, turning 19 tomorrow and starting a blog!