Crabby-Rude-Snappy-Pants

A few days ago I tweeted, "Some days you're not a spitfire, you're a crabby-rude-snappy-pants, and you should stay away from other humans. #me" Because some days and weeks are just rough.

Especially the weeks where I get my period in the 30-minute car ride to work (also the day I remind myself to bring a pad and still forget), bleed through my shorts, and find out the pad/tampon dispenser in the bathroom has long seen its time of use. 

The weeks I'm looking for a second job for school, not entirely sure that I want a second job, with nothing happening under the contours of my plan - which is a really good plan!  

You could seriously find me sitting at work the last three days looking the mirror image of Grumpy Cat.

 I was not amused.

 I was irritable.

I snapped at everyone within reach.

All I've wanted to do is be in bed all day, everyday curled up around my laptop without a bra. 

If you're in this hole with me, you're totally fine. I'm totally fine, too. We just need a little extra love and understanding from ourselves. 

So, I'll do you a favor, if you do me one: love yourself especially hard today. 

P.S. Aren't sunny days on grouchy days just the worst? Can't a girl get some rain showers? 

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Self Love and My One Year Anniversary

Friday, Katelin and I celebrated one year of being together. This was obviously a special day that we had been waiting on for at least the past two months, even caving and exchanging presents weeks before the big day. It pretty much felt like a summer long celebration, and I loved it! 

This is my first ever relationship, and Katelin's first serious relationship. And, um, relationships are freaking difficult. 

The two of us have been best friends since junior high, so we already knew a lot about one another upon entering this stage, but little did I know how much things shift when one goes from "BFF" to "girlfriend." 

It's incredible and terrifying.

Listen up: I would not have survived the past six months had I not been a host to so much love for myself. Nope, it just wouldn't have happened. How incredible and terrifying is that? That I need to have just as much love for ME as I do for HER? 

Love for myself has been life changing. It completely turned this world upside down to uncover a new and mind-shattering view. There's never a time to be ready for it, to prepare yourself for this, you just do it. It's seriously just a decision that you jump into without looking back. 

That's how this relationship has been for me, too. Absolutely world-changing and confusing but wonderful. Something I never want to go back from. 

Self-love carries me through everything: my daily activities, my awesome days and my disgusting ones, times of depression and times of excitement. Name it and self-love is there for me. 

Even when I'm refusing to use it. 

Without this past year of practicing in it, I wouldn't be living such an amazingly joyous, simple life, and I wouldn't have made it to this year mark with Katelin. 

Without self-love I cannot do an inkling as much as I can when I'm basking in it. 

Absolutely a terrifying and incredible realization. 

So, happy anniversary to my sweetie, who only ever encourages me to continue in my practice.

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Tidbits

Hung up at my campus. 

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Creating Confidence Series: Look in the Mirror

Everyone goes through the struggle to find and love ourselves and to find and create confidence. 

Sometimes we fake it, sometimes we give up on having any confidence altogether. It may take years and years to discover and build it or not as much time as we expect. 

Through it, each individual finds techniques of loving his/herself. We fail at some, succeed at others, and learn from other individuals who are going (and have gone) through the same fight. Because it is a fight, a fight with oneself, with one's culture, and with one's society. 

My Creating Confidence series looks to introduce ways that have worked for me in building self-esteem and self-love. My path to confidence (that I still traverse every day) started with finding a blog and then another and another that showed ways in which each woman struggled, succeeded, and failed in loving themselves. I'm here to, hopefully, do the same for you. 

There's many, many facets of loving yourself inside and out, but today I'm going to focus on the love for your body, because this was the hardest fight for me to conquer, and I still go to war with myself on a daily basis for it. 

This trick is simple and, yet, may be a grand downfall for some. Tread carefully and softly, because this can bring you down as easily as it can bring you up. 

Look in the mirror. 

Ever since I was old enough to realize being naked was something dirty I hated seeing myself naked. Since I wear glasses, I'd take them off before showering and quickly turn away from the mirror as if my body was diseased and malformed. I would keep my head turned down, away from the reflection, as I dressed myself, and then I'd replace my glasses onto my face. 

It may seem like a harmless, awkward, phase -- a tween girl hitting puberty and feeling uncomfortable about bodily changes. The thing is it created a negative mindset over not just my own body but bodies in general.

It built a habitual thought process that it's shameful to see a body in it's natural form. It created a negative foundation of looking at my body and feeling positive towards it. 

Nothing made me more uncomfortable than seeing myself naked in a mirror. If I happened to catch a glimpse, I'd find myself unbearably embarrassed and put-off before moving out of view. The eugh-y feelings that festered in my stomach fostered for later (and bigger) body-image issues. 

My body wasn't worth seeing that way. 
My body wasn't good enough to see that way. 
Maybe if I was thinner or more in shape, I wouldn't mind looking at myself in the mirror. 
Maybe if I suck in my stomach, it won't be so horrifying.
Maybe... 

A load of BS. 

BS that we learn from a very young age and carry with us through years and years of struggle. 
Unfortunately, it's rare that we're taught it's BS. Most of the time we have to learn it ourselves, if we actually learn it. 

Know this: if you feel that way, it's all crap. 

So, I dare you to really look in the mirror. 

When I learned all the crap that had been taught to me is just that, crap, I decided it was time to face my reflection. 

Yes, this does sound much more epic and influential than it really was. I was mortified and awkward for the first, like, twenty times. I felt perverted for looking at myself. I saw everything that needed fixing.

Before showers I'd leave my glasses on as I stripped off my clothes and casually look at myself for a few seconds, then jump behind the curtain to get away. I felt like I was facing off with myself. 

The key part of doing this is being aware of your thoughts. Each and every thought that passes through as you stand in front of yourself. You are not allowed to say bad things about yourself, even if the words aren't said aloud. If negative thoughts appear, CHANGE THEM. 

This process works to form new, better, and healthy habits. No more habitual tearing yourself down; no more feeling ugly, gross, unworthy when you see your body. We only gain this from changing how we feel internally, and thoughts are so influential. 

Pick out the beautiful parts to you and admire them. 

Over time I became used to the contours of my body: where I stuck out, where I smoothed out, what I was self-conscious of, and what I absolutely loved. I focused hard on altering my thought patterns, and with that, the negative emotions inside of me were slowly cleansed. They became few and far between, but if I'm not careful, they try to find there way back inside. 

It's a daily fight, and most of the media, government, and your well-trained thoughts are not on your side.  

I would say that this is the most fundamental technique I use(d) to embrace and love my body as it was and as it is. What's fantastic, is that I think I look better naked than clothed now! And let me tell you, that feeling is wondrous and freeing. 

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Weekly Reads 8.3.13

Changing up my weekly inspiration to Weekly Reads where I'll share my favorite blog pieces of the week! I read some pretty great and wise women, so I encourage you to take a peek at each. 

For writers (especially bloggers) on body-love:

 I'm Not a Fat Enabler is perfectly sassy and spunky.

Yet again, Mara Glatzel manages to make my inner demons

 wise teachers with Jealousy is my Greatest Teacher

A fantastic and adorable comic, The Nature of Ambition, 

over at the DailyGood. Great if you need a little encouragement

 on making your dreams reality.

Ever Call Yourself Lazy? Here's Why You Should Stop

I absolutely love this one. A must read if you, like me, 

need your weekends spent in bed. 

An awesome blogger I just discovered and am obsessed with,

The Nearsighted Owl, writes on one of my favorite topics,

SHORT HAIR, knocking off another reason you should

just chop it off!! 

Fat Women Should Not Have Short Hair? You Are Wrong.

I also encourage you to check out her e-course and blog series

now going on. It's awesome, I love it, so click below! 

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Morning Coffee and My Realization

A few months back I went through a phase where I was determined to rid myself of caffeine and become pure -- like drinking tea and infused water pure. Why? Because somehow every blog I read was writing on how much better life is without coffee.

I kid you not, I read at least three or four pieces in a one-two day span that went over the realization that what really mattered was the walk to the coffee shop or the coffee shop atmosphere, not the coffee. This then led to making green smoothies or tea and taking them to the cherished coffee shop, saving money along the way! 

Let me clarify right away that these pieces were all fantastic (which is why I wanted to join them) and not anywhere did the author(s) ask their readers to try it themselves. Okay, actually, one piece was by a doctor, and he did encourage readers to try a coffee fast, but that's expected. 

These men and women found what worked for them, and I thought that to be the bohemian blogger that I dream(ed) to be, I must forget coffee and (since I had expertly failed my smoothie phase) become a lady of tea. 

Oh man.

Hint: it was an epic fail.  

My coffee fast, which I remember proudly alerting my girlfriend to on a car-ride home, lasted approximately four days. 

My "lady of tea" image died slowly with my first and last four painful drinks of green tea. Can I say: EUGH!? I know tea is a plant and all, but it literally tastes like dirt and leaves put into boiling water. 

That ain't something I want to douse my taste buds in. 

Enter my realization, that I am now blogging to you about: I do not drink coffee for the stroll to the local coffee shop (I rarely drink at coffee shops except Starbucks) or for the atmosphere. I just really like coffee! Also: tea is my very last drink of choice. 

Granted, I do love the moments that come with drinking coffee: sitting in bed in the early morning light across from my girlfriend, and sipping from my blue travel mug as we share happy morning chats in the car ride to work.

I like these moments more than the coffee itself, but there's something about that bitter (unless I've went a little creamer crazy) drink that adds to the mood. 

There are still weeks where I'll move away from coffee just because I can feel my body reacting negatively, but I always come back when my body says it's ready again. 

At this point, you may be like: okay, Eve, so you like coffee and hate tea, glad you took so long to make that clear... 

Yes, I did say that, and now you know more about me! But I'm also saying: what may work for a few or hundreds of people (all whom may surround you), might not work for you. And that's what's important. It may, in fact, be horrible for you! Just because someone you admire rants and raves about the benefits of green tea and consequences of coffee does not mean your body or mind will agree, and this can apply to everything. 

So, I'm going to drink my coffee and squinch my nose when my girlfriend drinks tea, but hey, if that doesn't work for you, find what does. 

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Updates

Uppin' my game here a little and made an account for BlogLovin'. I feel like I'm making this website harder than it really is, especially since I'm in the generation of the tech savvy! My first instinct when having frustration over claiming my blog was to just sigh, close out of the website, and never return, BUT ALAS, I persevere. 

So, follow me! 
Follow my blog with Bloglovin

One complaint so far: I don't do the whole Facebook thing, so I can't upload a picture? Ugh. 

ALSO: I have changed my blog name. 19 and (Almost) Confident was great, but didn't sit 100% right with me. This cozy corner is now, Cozy Confidence! It fits my personality quite well, and still holds well with what I want to do here. 

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