Weekly Reads 8.31.13

Sign up for this "bonanza of love notes" from beautiful 

Mara Glatzel! I know I did, and the first e-mail was just 

as wonderful and uplifting as I could have hoped.

Ever-encouraging Jes wrote one of the most raw

and INSPIRING pieces I've read to date. It was beyond 

powerful.

Seriously, just read this; it will make you happy.

 Chrissy is amazing. 

Ooo, yes. This hit me a bit painfully in the gut of

realization. But sometimes learning and 

growing can pinch us in the soft spots:

The line between getting real and giving up.

Reflection time with Vivienne! Made me think about

the wrong stereotypes I've attributed to my body

over the years...What about you? 

Jes (if you haven't noticed, I love her) introduces

Louise Green who completely rocked my

world with this post. 

And for the last knock-out of the week, lovely

Vivienne gives us 10 Reasons to Begin Your

Self-Portrait Journey. 

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Fight the War

Loving my body is an every day war. 

Not just with myself but with the people on the street that I compare myself to, the celebrity bodies everywhere, and the society that is enabling all of the negative imagery, advertising, and thinking to happen in and around my life. 

This amazing thing we call a body, that carries me through my daily activities, that enables me to do everything I want and hope to do, and that continues to give to me even when I beat it down... When was it decided that I should look at it with disgust? Feel uncomfortable in it? Feel like it's not good enough - that it could be better? 

And who was the idiot who decided this? 

I didn't like this picture when I first took it last night. I thought my hips were too wide and my stomach stuck out a little too much in that shirt. 

Like, really. 

This insecurity came from the girl who reads fat positive and body positive blogs every freaking day of her life. The girl who enforces body love during every freaking day of her life. 

Yes, I am still insecure even with all the work I've done! 

And THANK GOD for all the work I've done, because this time last year I would have never seen the beauty beneath the learned embarrassment and, instead, would have deleted the picture out of shame. 

We are trained so well to hate our bodies. Just like dogs learning to sit. Whether we are little or large, we are trained with specifics! 

Are you going to the gym enough? Good girl! 

Oh, still in bed? You're awfully lazy lately. What happened to your running kick? 

I've grown up with the knowledge that unless you're stomach is flat and your arms are chiseled, you can't be happy. 

I remember walking the hallways of high school and staring wistfully at the skinny, athletic girls and thinking how much happier than me they must be. 

I remember tracking my weight with weight watchers, standing on the scale every week, and believing that if I just got to 145 I'd be totally confident in myself. Then if I could just get to 140...  

Anything close to fat was not an option if I wanted to feel good about myself. 

Now, seriously. Who the heck came up with this? 

How am I trained so well that - still - I find myself retreating to the "anything close to fat is shameful" mindset? That I don't like a picture when I first see it because, yes, my shirt hugs my stomach that is not ab-flat? 

I must always stay vigilant to not get sucked down to society ideals. I must always remember to look to my role models - some fat, some skinny, and some in-between - when I need a reminder. I must always love my body no matter it's shape, and I must treat it as well as it treats me. 

I must remember that I have been trained to think that a belly that sticks slightly or largely out from the rest of me is not worthy, that everyone can reach the "ideal" body, and that I cannot be happy until I have abs without flab but remain curvy. 

I must remember that that all bodies are different, and they are ALWAYS beautiful, and that the ones who say otherwise are either liars or brainwashed. 

I must always fight the war. 

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Goals

It's freshman weekend in my hometown, and in exactly one week Katelin and I move back into dorms and begin classes. Oh, Summer, care to explain yourself?

I love to make personal goals for new years, so I've made up a list of some for this school year below. Feel free to join me and leave some of your own in the comments! 

• Start journaling every night (or most nights) again.
• Make time to efficiently relax every day.
• Read at least one book not for school each semester. 
• Stay on the Dean's List. 
• Be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up over work, homework, grades, etc. 
• Treat your body well: maintain a weekly yoga schedule, get enough fruits and veggies every day, and get enough sleep. 
• Treat yourself every week. 
• Don't spend too much every month, but make sure to get Starbucks with Katelin. 
• Clean the dorm well every two weeks. 
• Wash the bed sheets every month. 
• Don't bite your nails when you're nervous (but if you do, they grow back).  
• Blog once a week. 
• Most of all, love yourself every day.

Also, dear college freshman sitting on a bench crying today... You'll be fine, I promise. The first weekend is the worst, the first two weeks are the hardest, but you will be absolutely and totally fine. 

I promise. 

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Take What You Need

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Coming Back to the Self

Loving myself and loving my body are two very different (yet connected) things. Why didn't I ever realize this? 

Without the first, I cannot be fully enriched with the latter. This seems obvious, but I don't think I've ever totally absorbed this fact. I've always focused on tackling love for my body while love for myself was something to do when that was finished. Something I too often figure I have enough of.  

I say to myself, "Oh, I really like myself." But do I really? 

The answer? SURE! When I'm doing nice things for my girlfriend, doing well in school, writing blogposts I'm really proud of, saving more money than usual, helping my mom out... So, basically when I'm doing things I deem "worth" love. 

When I'm screaming at my girlfriend while we drive home? When I've been laying in bed for three days straight playing video games? When I didn't study too well for that exam and then don't make the grade I wanted? Depends on the day. 

Self-love is something that seems so easy over blog posts. We're given check-lists of techniques to try to boost love for the self, courses to take to find love for ourselves, and little phrases to write down for later. And I'm the biggest sucker for step-by-step guides, especially guides on conquering world changing actions! 

Difficult thoughts, life experiences, and fights with the self are simple to transfer into eloquent words then molded into a pretty font. 

I read through my posts sometimes, and it really seems like I'm this lucky 19-year-old who's getting her crap together early and getting life in order to be happy and living my dreams forever, completely enveloped in my own love.  

Some days I really feel like that lucky 19-year-old is really typing to you. 

But some days really suck, and I feel like a total hypocrite for writing any of the things I've posted. 

Some days I don't know why I ever thought I was  a sensitive person, a loving girlfriend, or deserving of all the love that surrounds me. 

These are the days that I seek out blog posts that, in these specific instances, paralyze me with the notion that I'll never be as wonderful and inspiring as the women I'm reading. I'll never put sentences together like her; I'll never be as happy or powerful as her; I may as well just give up and find the next best thing. Or maybe I'm not worth that either...

Loving my body has been the main struggle since I started this journey, and I kind of almost thought that once I fully accepted and loved my body, I'd fully accept and love myself as a person.  

Loving one's body is just as necessary but very different from loving one's self. 

We need to start with the self and always come back to the self, especially one the days we lose hope of everything inside of us.

It sucks that I forget this constantly, that I am so harsh with myself, and that I get down on myself for failing at what everyone struggles with daily. 

But, just like you, I do. 

And it's all about coming back to the self and recognizing that, and all the good, along with the bad. 

*photo source

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Weekly Reads 8.17.13

Rachele talks feminism and shows off one of

her best outfits yet with OOTD: Fat Cat Lady Feminist.

A beautiful post on teaching kids going

back to school about children different than

 them by a mom and superhero changing 

the world for her two boys with autism. 

Because I'm obsessed with crystals
and love learning about them! 



You never get less than awesome with
Jes at The Militant Baker, especially
with this post on short hair:
 I WEAR WHAT I WANT: FAT CHICK + SHORT HAIR

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Yes, I Will

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