First Day

Many, many people travel these days, but I hope everyone remembers the first time they began travelling. Their first trip. Because it's amazing, insane, unbelievable.

The months leading up to getting on the plane (you know, the one flying over the OCEAN?) I didn't know how I was going to go through with it. Thoughts of flying sent anxiety bubbling in my stomach and caused my tongue to itch.

We saved and saved, and made a pretty big mistake in acquiring our money (nothing illegal) for the tickets, and it felt like a miracle when we finally got the  e-mail with out printable plane tickets. And when I boarded the plane and flew across the Atlantic ocean? I had a blast.

8-hours to read magazines, play Farmville, and sleep was fantastic.

Landing in London, driving on the 'wrong' side of the road, going to bed in England that first night... it was surreal. My heart fluttered every time I let myself believe that I was here, that I had traveled to another country, that I had enjoyed an 8-hour plane ride.

I will hold that giddiness with me for the rest of my life; I hope everyone gets a chance to feel that wonder and excitement, and I hope everyone retains that memory.

Our first day was very simple. Katelin's step-grandparents picked us up in the morning and took us out for lunch at The Swan in Ash Vale, Surrey. Delicious.

The pub was absolutely adorable.

What I was most excited to see in England was the architecture of their towns, villages and neighborhoods, and I was not disappointed. As a Harry Potter fan now staying in a neighborhood that resembles Privet Drive, I was wide-eyed and toothy-grins!

Back at Katelin's grandparents house, I was too excited to be in England to just hang around, so we took a stroll through their (also adorable) neighborhood down to the park.

Oh, England, how you woo me.

Have you been to England? What was your favorite part?

Outfit details: Dress, H&M / Leggings, gift / Cardigan, gift / Shoes, Minnetonka Moccasins / Purse, Antique from England

I'm getting re-set up on BlogLovin, so please follow me HERE!

Continue reading →

a new Cozy Confidence

Long time no see, friends.

It's been a while since I popped into this area, but it feels like the right time to return and work on cleaning up around here.

You'll see that I've updated the look? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Along with a fresh face and a new time in my life, I want to bring some new elements into this blog. Self-love and Body-love will continue to be a huge focus in my writing and thinking, but you'll also start seeing outfit posts. Additionally, my girlfriend and I have been in England for a month and will be here until mid-December, so I'm hoping to try out some travel posts, too!

When Cozy Confidence first started, it was an exciting endeavor, but I went into it with the sneaking hope that I'd become this blogger-extraordinaire over night. Obviously, that just doesn't happen, and it sucked out much of the fun.

This time I want these posts to be enjoyable and uplifting to create. I hope that you will find something here for you, too, otherwise I wouldn't push Publish every post, but it's no fun for anyone if I'm not enjoying the process.

Since I left, a lot has changed in my life, not just where I am, and I can't wait to bring that here. This space felt a bit stale, wouldn't you agree? I want to get more personal with you. I want you to feel like you're with a friend as you scroll through my posts. I want this space to not only make me happy and giddy, but I want it for you, too.

I hope you'll follow along!

Continue reading →

Weekly Reads 10.12.13

The Wisdom of Warrior Woman

a post by a blogger new to me that I 

am particularly enjoying. 

This is Just a Reminder

(and I think you'll find it refreshing)

A beautifully vulnerable story by

Vivienne about passing through the fear.

I will just always love Kate:

i think i finally don't care as much

about the way i look

Some of the most beautiful writing

I have read in a long time. 

SO happy to have Rachele back on the

blogging scene! And this post was just

fantastic.

 

Permission to Surrender

Continue reading →

a little secret about SELF-LOVE

Allow me to let you in on a little secret: SELF-LOVE IS ESSENTIAL FOR SURVIVAL.

from Hannah's 31 days of Goodnight Beautiful Day

Self-love isn’t just something you decide that you want, like a new dress. Self-love is something that you need, just like your fruits and veggies. You can decide not to eat them, but you won’t be feeling as hot as you would otherwise.

                                                                                                                             

You really want to love yourself? Then you need to change your thoughts, change your actions, and change your perceptions on yourself and life.

You need to bare loose the internalized thought patterns, beliefs, and standards that are so entwined within you.

You need to do read books, blogs, whatever you can get your hands on about:  what self-love means (for YOU + for EVERYTHING ELSE), what these “things” are that you’ve internalized; why you’ve internalized them; how you are NOT ALONE; things you have never ever fathomed that come in the package of self-love.

You need to act, because this is survival we are talking about, not just something to do when you “get the chance.”

And when you start this, you keep going.

When you doubt yourself, this journey, and the things you read: you be there for yourself, you remember why you are here, and you keep going.

Be easy on yourself, be strong for yourself, and just be there for you, because that’s what you need the most right away. You need YOU.

YOU are the weapon of mass destruction against all of those crappy lies you have been spoon-fed until this day of claiming your want to live.

Your soul is waiting for you to nurture it, your body is waiting for you to listen to it, and all of your hopes and dreams are dependent on this.

We need self-love like we need water.

We need it right away in the morning before we eat, before and after every meal.

We need it when we don’t feel thirsty for it (especially then).

We need it with things that are hard to digest.

We. Need. It.

Get it? 

Continue reading →

Weekly Reads 10.4.13

Mara is hosting a--pretty amazing--four week class,

Permission Granted, and it starts in just a few

short weeks, so I urge you to hurry and check it

out! 

It was the month of great class offers,

because Hannah's From Coping to Thriving

sounds amazing. Even if you don't want

to take the class, I encourage you to read 

the post. 

One of my favorite posts from Chrissy

to date. Her words are like talking to a friend -

so personal and honest. 

Lesson of the Week: 

5 Ways Using Correct Gender Pronouns will Make You a Better Trans* Ally

YES of the week: 
3 things to do when you feel not good enough



A month of emails I have not regretted signing up for. 
Close your night with this. 

Continue reading →

shedding the SHOULD DO'S + doing what I WANT

Yesterday I stumbled upon a spectacular website, Hello Month.  It combines photography and loving notes to create a calendar-like set up with a beautiful reminder each day to care for yourself. (I seriously encourage you to follow the link and take a peek.)

Today’s message struck me on a personal level… Sarah writes:

Dear Me,
A day without shoulds...is it even possible?

Today, we’re going to try. Continue noticing your shoulds, and *then* practice replacing them with what you really want. Instead of “I should make dinner right now”, think about what you actually *want* to do. Maybe you want to make dinner, or maybe you just want to order pizza. Maybe you don’t want to make a boring dinner, but you *do* want to be creative in the kitchen.

Find a way to do what you want to do, rather than what you *should* be doing. Of course, if even *this* feels like a should, that’s a perfect place to start.

Love,

the You whose desires are good and noble

I primarily live my life by what I *should* be doing. Especially since I returned to college and have struggled to manage my time and efficiency with homework, work, and personal pleasures. My *wants* are only thought after (and if) I get all of that done.

I SHOULD be writing that paper.

I SHOULD layout what needs to get done for the week.

I SHOULD have read that chapter in a lot less time than I took to read it.

Even events I look forward to! Take last night. My college town celebrates Oktoberfest, so the campus puts on a weekend-long event where underage-safe activities such as craft nights, laser tag, Harry Potter-themed nights, etc. are put on.

Katelin and I thought we would brave the tie-dye event in our hall, but the day just didn’t call for it. You know, life happens: I was in a sour mood, the homework wasn’t done, and ya-ta-ya-ta. It all boiled down to: I just wasn’t feelin’ the tie-dye.

But I thought I SHOULD do it. Something fun became an obligation instead of an option.

These Should Do’s of our life come from the idea that we need to have “this, this, and this” crossed off our lists before we can be satisfied. It’s a process dependent on shame and guilt and totally sucks the enjoyment out of everything.

There’s this idea that, if I get all of this homework done in this amount of time… if I get outside and take a walk today…if I do yoga three times a week… I can feel good about myself. I can be content. I can breathe.

Today I shook that off, and let go of the Should Do’s, and focused on what I wanted to do. And no! This didn’t mean I skipped all of my homework, because that actually negates a deeper want (learning, growing, graduating).

But I did my homework – when I wanted to, not when I thought I should do it. I took my time with it and actually, GASP, enjoyed the process.

I stayed in bed, in my sweats, with fresh air blowing in the window, and just gave myself as long as I needed. I took breaks, got up and stretched, and even played some video games when I wanted.

I didn’t do yoga. I did get outside. I did have a donut.

But none of these did’s or didn’t(s) bared the burdens I so often feel. And I found I could breathe much easier.

Shedding the Should Dos gives us more freedom to do what we want, and that often correlates with the things we need to do.

Inspired by Hello Month, the changing of seasons, and the welcome of a new month, this is going to be my focus of October: to continue shedding these Should Dos and embracing the Wants.

Will you join me?

Continue reading →

I AM AWESOME (AND PRESTIGIOUS) + so are YOU

At the beginning of this month I had a very relaxed interview with a professor I admire greatly. She was looking for 2-3 research assistants for her current project, and I was one of the ten students asked to apply. 

Let me just say: this is something I have dismissed ever happening since my first semester of college! I'd go on the school website and see various headlines about research assistant experiences, and before every semester there are emails sent out about how great research assistant positions look when you graduate and looking for a "real-life" job.  

This was something I daydreamed about but never wasted too much time on, because it definitely wasn't going to happen. 

So, when I got the email asking if I was interested (at 10:00 at night late August), I freaked out. Just a little... (I ran through the house telling everyone, ran back into my room, sat on the bed and basically cried, jumped back out of bed and ran around the house to talk about it again to everyone, and then laid awake for another two hours with adrenaline shooting through me.) 

Describing myself as "excited" does not hit anywhere near the level of emotion I was feeling.

What else did I do? 

Talked nonstop about, "What if I don't get it?" 
Plus had three dreams about being told I didn't get the job... 

I was so ready to just accept the mindset of, "Well, at least I got asked," and ready myself for disappointment. Why? Because I wasn't experienced enough, she didn't know me enough, these just aren't the things that happen to me, this reason, that reason-- 

Any reason I could come up with for me not being worthy enough to get this job was imagined and accepted. 

It was a two week battle of constantly replacing those thoughts with reasons why I WAS worth the position! I had to be at the ready with positive, confidence-building thoughts to dis-empower the self-hate talk that had been waiting to launch its assault.

And you know what? The self-hate was wrong (as usual), and I got the position. 

A goal I never let formulate because it seemed too out of reach--too good--for a student like me has been achieved. 

An opportunity I assumed only available to students that had reached a level of awesome and prestige was given to me, and now I own the "awesome and prestige" I thought I never encapsulated. 

But what if I hadn't gotten the job? What if I was turned down for good reasons and sent back to stay at the art gallery? Would I be not worthy of that job? Not good enough for it? Would I not be an awesome and "prestigious" student? 

No. 

And I wish I could have seen that before holding the title of "research assistant."

I wish the understanding for how wrong my self-destructing thoughts always (!!!) are was constantly at the forefront of my mind.

It's so easy, now that I have the job, to wave a hand and exclaim, "Well, of course I would still be amazing and intelligent and all of the things, because the job doesn't make me that! It's just a cool opportunity!" 

And it is a SUPER cool opportunity, but had I not gotten the job it would have taken me a little longer to claim myself as "awesome and prestigious." And I still wouldn't describe myself or my college career as "prestigious." (I really hate that word.)  

Because I have been taught to downgrade myself, and so have you. 

You and I haven't been shown how to look at ourselves as worthy of everything we want. 

And I might recognize these perverted facts, but it doesn't mean it makes it easier to feel the worth I own. 

I must be active in seeking out that knowledge.
The knowledge of my whole and absolute worth. 

I must be critical of what words I describe myself with. 
The words I speak to others. 

I must remember such words in the times that I am turned down; the times I don't get the position. 

And I must remember that I can totally achieve what I think I never will, because I just did it. 

I want you to remember this, too.
Because I wholeheartedly believe in you.

What dreams are you ignoring? What are the goals you secretly have?  

Continue reading →